Can I have a witness?

This past Sunday was Resurection day. Easter for the folks who don't think like me (probably a good thing not to!) My Pastor had asked folks to come up and share testimonies if they felt led to do. I thought about my testimony but did not go forward. I did not feel the need to do so. But I did sit and ponder where I have been.

If I did not go up, why do I mention it? Well, it is because I was supposed just ponder it. Also I wanted to share my testimony of Jesus with any of you who reads this post. Pastor spoke about several atheists and their anger towards God and Christians. He spoke about the "over thinking" (my take on it not his) of the truth. He alluted to scholars and thinkers have a harder time knwing God relationally than the artistic people. I think there is much truth to that. But it is not impossible. Read on.....

I was about 14 when I started learning about various different religions. I was a smart kid. Had made Honor Roll many times already and was even part of the National Junior Honor Society. I don't mention this to boast but to give you the picture of a smart, nerdy kind of kid. There is an undeniable fact, each faith group beleives something different and each opposes the others. At 14, I was astute enough to conclude that all religions can be right because they all seemed to contridict each other. So what did a logically thinker do? Came to the only solution there was, The was no God!

At age 14, I became an atheist. This was in 1985. I was determined to make it on my own. I did not need this "god" or whatever. Religion was merely a set of beleived truths for those who were not mentally or emotionaly stronge enough to handle life on their own. God was for the weak. I was strong. I was smart. I would make it.... on my own!

I have always been an easy going person. Not mean spirited at all. But there was something about Christians that made me mad. I heard one day that the Christians had discovered evidence that some guy named Jesus was hung on a tree and came back to life. The audasity! How could they come back thousands of years later and say that some guy dies in a tree and that proves they are right? How dare they! Man, I was mad! I cussed the church out so much, i would still be eating soap!

I developed bad habits. I had a set of morals for myself and I started out really good. But I began breaking the rules so to speak. When this happened, I merely changed the rules. But the truth was, I was not perfect. i continued to break morals, change them, break them, change them. Mean while, I was hurting people. I cheated, I lied, I was selfish. I was becomeing everything I was trying not to be. I began to truely hate myself.

Don't worry, I did commit suicide. I never even thought it. In fact, suicide was another option only for the weak. And I was strong, remember. I did, however, have an ah ha! moment (or an uh ho!). I got to a point where my logic proved illogical. I reviewed my options. I hated who I had become and for a split second, just a second, I thought of suicide as a means of escape. It scared me. I tried to change. I reset all my rules. I started fresh. But within a month, I was doing the same thing! This time, I did not have many options. I did my best to justify myself. But inside, I knew that I was hurting. I needed true freedom from what I was doing to myself. I logically concluded that I was a failure.

Yes, I was a failure. I had twice failed to sucede. I had no hope. I just began to live as best I could. Finding enjoyment in the little things because my passion had died. But that is where God showed up.

There was a man that I was assigned to work a shift with. It was a night shift so there was a lot of down time. We talked. This guy had a screwed up life too. Maybe he would understand. I never really told him how much of a failure I was. Had to keep that a secret. But I did feel better knowing I was not completely alone. Problem with this guy was that he was a Christian. Oh the debating began! I argued my point, he argued his (while I constantly interupted). Neither convinced the other. But we were still friends.

Still friends? I had to wrap my logical brian around that one. I though religion was for weak people! He was certianly not weak. Yet he put his faith in God. A God I despised (probably because it shone a light on my failure). It was not the man that changed me. It was not the man I sought after for anwers. It was his God. I sought after this God that gave my friend hope.

I began to pray and truely seek Him. There was a hope that I desired. A hope for freedom. A hope for forgiviness. I learned that this God loved me. He also wanted to know me and let me know Him just as this man had done. This guy accepted me, faults and all. His God promised the same.

So I gave my life, fully to Him, God. I trusted in Him. I believed what He said enough to try Him. To test Him. If He was real and I could receive the love and hope He promised, it was well worth the chance. On September 12, 1993, I gave Him my life.

Ever since then I have been growing, struggling and wrestling with Him, but He has forgiven me. I always come before He a winner. I was succeeding, not on my own but because of Him. Because He made me.

You know, it is funny. My wife had long believed that atheist were too far gone to save. They would never believe in God. I am sure that for some that is true. But I know that they can. but it is ONLY through the grace of God. For any atheist out there, there is hope when you are ready for it. He will be waiting.

When I began to search for a career, I thought of continuing in electronics as I did that in the military. But it did not fulfill me. It did not give me passion. It was a ”job” and that was it. When I applied for a job in sales, the manager asked me what my biggest weakness was. My answer was that I was shy and not a “people person.” A week after starting the job, she came up to me and said, “I don’t know why you say you are not a ‘people person.’ You are wonderful with the customers. I just don’t see it.” I realized that what she said was true and wondered why. It was the serving the customer that drove me. It made me come alive. I have had a few other sales jobs and could not bring myself to work in the commission based jobs because it was selling to the customer and not for the customer. I want to meet the needs of people.
What seizes my imagination is the smile and twinkle in a person’s eyes. I have always been driven by the joy and happiness of others. This goal of bringing these things to those around me has shaped the very person I am. I get up and start my day wanting to make at least one person happy. I have been the most alive when I can serve someone.
This shapes the way I work. I work in healthcare as a nursing assistant. I am constantly striving to give high quality care but also to treat the patients with respect and dignity. I do all that I can to ease their sorrow and to make their difficult times a bit better. To hold a hand of a man who is dying; or comfort a loved one; or just spend time talking about their family. Those are the things that I live for.
It also shapes my family. My time off is spent with my wife and three kids spending time with them. One of the things I like to do is cook. I love cooking for the family because it makes them feel good. They enjoy it. I help teach the kids and we laugh and play. I may miss out on doing adult things but my family is special and we are happy. I love waking up to them everyday.
Every where I go, I try to bring a smile and blessing. I will tell jokes, stories or simple encouragement. Even the cashier at the store gets a pleasant smile and greeting. But what really gets me going strong is when I can use the unique knowledge and skills that I have to serve others. It is the most rewarding thing to help someone.
With this drive, I have become involved in many community activities such as Cub Scouts, children’s programs at my local church, serving dinner at church, teaching CPR, and many others. This is also why I work at the VA hospital. I want to serve those that have served.
My life passion of serving others has manifested itself in my career in healthcare. This is the reason I am pursuing nursing. It is where my skills lay and at it’s very core it serves others, especially when they need it most. To sum up my life’s passion in a purpose statement, I need to borrow from the US Air Force, “Integrity first, Service before self, and excellence in all we do.” This is the key to my life, the reason for my being.

For the Love of Family

Someone recently expressed that they were dealing with the question of following a call into vocational ministry and doing it as a single person. The same idea that Paul mentions when he says that he wished all could be as he was and not marry. But here is the deal, God has ordained marriage. He has also called some to be single. Both are very good in the eyes of God. I know that I have the love of family that wells up inside of me. I knew this since I was a teen. Yet it took me until I was 28 to have a family!

I don't know how to look at anyone else and say, "you are to remain single before God." Or, "You should marry, because God wants us all to be married." I can NOT speak to what God is doing in the hearts of someone else. What I do know is that above all else I had a desire for a family.

Once while in my early teens, we took in a young lady who's mother kicked her out. We gave her a place to stay. She had a son named Timmy. I used to play with Timmy as much as I could. I remember wanting a child of my own. Even at 13/14 I wanted to be a father. I was never good with the ladies. Too much fear immobilized me. So I pondered the possibility of having a kid without a wife (not that I could get married, I was too young). As I grew up, I learned much about myself and much about life. By the time I was 23, I had done many things that were far from love. I lied and cheated just to please myself. The year I turned 23, I came incountered with the Love of God. A Love I had never known before. He changed my life and perspective. As I grew closer to Him and learned more about His Love, I began to feel the Love well up inside of me. I desired a wife. I desired a family. Not for myself. But to share the Love I now had inside.

God did bring me a wife and family. All despite my own impatience. I married in 1998 and had my first child in 1999. Ever since then, When it was time to add to our family, my wife and I would feel the need to give the overflowing Love we had inside us. Now it is 2010 and we have three children. We have that feeling again.

But here is the main issue, when looking at the world around us, how do we choose between job, career, family, hobbies, etc. I want to be a nurse. I want it for many reasons but one is to give to people in need. To heal. Yet going to school takes away from family. I love my family. They are the ones God has called me to minister first. So if I need to wait to go to school, I will wait. If I need to put some things in my life on hold, I will. All for the Love of my family.

To be or not to be, a nurse....

OK, I have made the statement before that I WILL become a nurse. Well, I have been speaking with my wife to great lengths. We originally agreed that we would always put our family first. At this time, going to school might disrupt our family too much. However, I do believe that I will be able to get into school in a year. That also gives me time to get settled in a full time job at the VA. I have to be full time for a year to get the education benefits. So this might work out.

I must admit that I have seen several other opportunities present themselves. But I honestly feel that i am a nurse at heart. It may never get to the nurse practitioner level but a nurse none the same. But I wonder if one class will be too bad after we get into our house.....

When can I move into my house??!!

Ok, I have read advice to not fall in love with a house you want to buy or don't get hung up on certain "must have" features that may be bring the price too high. But yet, my wife and I have found a haouse we really like. We are working on financing and have some issues to work on. Yet we want this house.

On the flip side, I have also been told to pray for these things. "If this is what you want, pray and God will work things out." So, if this is true, we should be able to get it. Even my kids are praying for it.

The question is, how to balance the desires of the heart and seeking and trusting God. If someone else buys the house, what does that mean? I have prayed before and t did not happen. Am I to just accept that it was not God's will? Did I not pray enough? Is there something that I am doing that is keeping me from receiving His blessing like sin?

I have read books and the Bible and have not come to a conclusion. I have heard advice, testimonies, and witnesses. Yet there is not any clear answer. Bottom line is that I want that house and it seems that I can't get it. Am I being too pessimistic? (spelling)

Well, I am just pondering these things outloud. We will see what happens in time.'

Later--

War or Peace

I have been challenged of late to look at my world view and my view of war specifically. I want so badly to say, "Hell yes! go kill those SOB's!" But Is this the Kingdom that Jesus spoke of? He Himself with all His power and might rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, a sign of a humble king seeking peace. Only the war king would arrive on a horse. But Jesus choose a donkey. I have had the quote, "He who lives by the sword will die by the sword" bouncing around my head like a ping pong ball. Is the Kingdom Jesus speaks of one brought on by violence? Is turning the other cheek being a pansy? Jesus' Kingdom was brought on by him riding a symbol of peace. Not of War. I have often thought, "why can't the most evil people like Hitler or those like him be saved? Did Christ not die for them? He did. So there is hope for them until they die. But what if they die by my hand? Have I ended that person's chance of salvation? Only God knows for sure. But Mine is not to judge someone to death. It is God's choice alone.

But I cannot excape the fact that there are times when God uses peole to bring justice. I also cannot shake the truth that there are those that are hurt or killed by others and cannot defend themselves. Who will stand for them? I believe that there is a time for physical defense of the inocent and to stop someone from killing. But does that go against Jesus' teachings? Maybe, maybe not. He has stopped the needless killings of other many times. I believe there are those times that makes violence nessary.

So I have come to the conclussion that war is wrong and killing is against the plan of God for us in His Kingdom. But there is a time to end more killing, there is a justified time to use violence to stop more violence.

With that said, what of this current war in Iraq and Afghanistan? Where there have been some good and noble reasons for these wars, I do not think we should be there now. We have too many our own issues here in the States to be trying to fix others. If we do not fix many of our own problems, we will never be able to help anyone else. We need to fix our own broken issues first. Not only that, but are the people there totally defenceless? Let's love them and work on giving them a chance to know our God. Let's not give up hope on them just because they have given up on us. Let us pray not fight. Let us love not kill.

I may have some of these thoughts a bit jumbled in my thoughts. I will clarify anything that anyone does not make since you.

Joe

This is a story about how my life got turned upside down....

I recently posted the title of this blog as a thought on facebook, just to see if anyone would know where it was from. Side note, it is from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. But after posting it, I began to think about the whole plot and how it apllies to our lives. Then this morning's sermon tied it all together. Pator talked about Saul/Paul. I will summerize for you. Saul was a leader n the Jewish sect. He went around killing believers in Jesus. On the road to Damacus, his life got turn upside down. He met Jesus and was blinded. Jesus then gave him a new name-- Paul. Just as Will changed his name from just Fresh Prince to Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Now Saul is Paul. Not just a name change, Paul also spent three days learning about Jesus and changing his point of view on the world around him. He then began a life totally opposite of his previous life. Instead of killing Christians, he help people become Christians.

This has spoken to my life in that I have to ask, "How has my life been turned upside down?" I was a selfish atheist that had lied and cheated. Once I allowed Jesus to change my world view, I changed my life. I live for Him and not myself. Oh sure I fail at times, so did Paul. But God's grace is more powerful than me. How has God turned your life upside down? are living for Him or against Him? I am not talking about just going to church. I am talking about a true change that people will say, "is this the person we used to know?"

This is your story about how your life got turned upside down....