For my last post, I was feeling very depressed and ashamed of myself. I still feel that way deep in side. I know that God and I are addressing the issues and I can stand tall knowing that He is with me. In me shame and discust, He has not judged me. He has not rejected me. I have a long way to go on my Journey with Him before He calls me home. But He is God and He will be with me. For anyone who read the previous post, know that I am ok. I have these bouts at times.
Though I am not strong like Him, He is holding me up. I may be desiesed on the inside, but He is healing me. I love you, Lord!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Who told you that you are naked?
Tonight as I prayed and when to my private place with God, I had a vision. I first stood on the beach with arms stretched out to the side in a stance of praise before Him. I then stood tall with chest out as Superman. I was proud and might as the oak He said I am. Then, I could not hold my belly in any longer. I let it out and it stuck out further than my chest. I could not suck it in. I then saw myself in the "inner room" where I can talk alone with God. A place for just Him and me. And there I stood, trying even harder to suck in my belly. To cover myself. My clothes could not cover me. My belly was too big. I fell in a ball on the floor desperate to hide my fully naked body. My belly big and round and ugly. My body, a hideous mess. And He stood before me as I lay curled up crying. I picture my self cutting my belly out like I would an apple. Just get rid of it. Get rid of my ugliness, my doubt and shame.
He says to me, "Who told you that you were naked?"
Who told me? Is it not obvious? I thought, "You bastard, this is your fault! I have served faithfully. I have given so much. I have been patient. I have "played" the game. Yet I have no blessing. I still struggle. I am still fat and ugly. I still sin.I am still not worthy of you and I have loved you so much!" I yell this through my sobs and cries. I mean it but don't. I am ashamed to feel it and say it but know it is truly how I feel.
Naked.
He lifts me up and tells me to see myself as He does. That is all well and good but I live among people. I want to be liked. I want to be a good person in their eyes. I want to be like the worship people. Admired and revered. Oh I have heard the "they put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else." Bologna! If they did, they have to deal with the same shit I have to deal with.
All of this praise God for this or for that. "oh, I am thankful He did this for me." "I did something bad to a friend and God helped us restore the friendship" It all feels fake when compared to the raging storm with in me. "give more to God, Give Him your time, Give Him your self. I have! I gave it, freely and without reservations. But still I am laying on the floor before Him naked and ashamed. Crying like a baby. Here is your mighty oak, Lord! Here is your broken servant.
I can do no more. I want to fly. I want to live. I want to BE the oak tree. I want to BE the hero. Not just pretend to be. But I don't know how. I don't know how. So I lay here before God naked and ashamed.
I hear again through my sobs, "Who told you that you are naked?"
He says to me, "Who told you that you were naked?"
Who told me? Is it not obvious? I thought, "You bastard, this is your fault! I have served faithfully. I have given so much. I have been patient. I have "played" the game. Yet I have no blessing. I still struggle. I am still fat and ugly. I still sin.I am still not worthy of you and I have loved you so much!" I yell this through my sobs and cries. I mean it but don't. I am ashamed to feel it and say it but know it is truly how I feel.
Naked.
He lifts me up and tells me to see myself as He does. That is all well and good but I live among people. I want to be liked. I want to be a good person in their eyes. I want to be like the worship people. Admired and revered. Oh I have heard the "they put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else." Bologna! If they did, they have to deal with the same shit I have to deal with.
All of this praise God for this or for that. "oh, I am thankful He did this for me." "I did something bad to a friend and God helped us restore the friendship" It all feels fake when compared to the raging storm with in me. "give more to God, Give Him your time, Give Him your self. I have! I gave it, freely and without reservations. But still I am laying on the floor before Him naked and ashamed. Crying like a baby. Here is your mighty oak, Lord! Here is your broken servant.
I can do no more. I want to fly. I want to live. I want to BE the oak tree. I want to BE the hero. Not just pretend to be. But I don't know how. I don't know how. So I lay here before God naked and ashamed.
I hear again through my sobs, "Who told you that you are naked?"
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The North and South and state's rights
I asked myself a question the other day. "What if the South had won?" That got me to really thinking about a few things. For the past few years I have heard several thoughts on the issue of state vs federal and big vs small government. I have asked myself, "Who has the true power?" We are supposed to be a united country: The United States of America. Yet I ask you, who or what unites us? The very documents that established this country say, "We, the People..." So the union is kept together by the people. We are governed by the people for the sake of the people. Not the government governs for the sake of the govenrment.
What this has to do with the Civil War is this, the South was right. Not about slavery. Slavery is VERY wrong. But they are right about the issue of state rights. You see, the outward cause for the war may have been the issue of slavery but the real reason was that the Federal government started taxing the southern states without hearing their voice. Much like the way England did to us. During the "revolutionary" days, the colonials were patriotic englishmen. They did not want to start a war. They did not want to leave England. They just wanted equal say in government. That is all that the South wanted. When they did not get it, they esentially, "deradified" the Constitution.
What did radifing the Constitution do for the state? It gave them protection from outside nations. It also protected the states from each other. The Contitution was radified by selected represenatives from each state to agree to the contract. They had to agree to the stipulations contained within the Constitution. So the loyalty is to all of the other states. The parties of the contract were the people of each state. In a normal contract between two or more people, if the contract becomes void because someone has violated the terms, the contract is broken and restitution is to be made.
The process of a territory becoming a state now requires an Enabling Act. The Federal Congress votes on the Act and if is accepted, the territory becomes a state. So the territory first agrees to the Constituion and then the other states agree to allowing the territory to become part of the Union. In a contract, each party need to sign the contract to make it binding. But sometimes, a party can default or break the contract. If a party does not uphold their part of the contract, then the contract is void. Why does this not aply to te Constitution? It is a contract. If the Federal government violates the contract, should that then make the "contract" with the state void? Or atleast give them the option of backing out.
Our Federal government has taken many of our state rights and not just the current health care plan, but the appointment of senators by the state government, education, taxation, and many more that would take a while to expound apon.
I am not saying that the South should have seceded. I am not saying that they should not have fought for their rights. I simply beleive they had a right to leave the Union if the contact was broken. I wish the issue of slavery had not been so hyped up to over shadow the true issue of state rights. A solution was not reached. Yet now we live where our states and our people cant walk away from the contract with the rest of the states if the government violates it.
Do adn think what you will on my blog. Just know that I am a patriot and love my country just as the colonials did in their time. God Bless the US!
What this has to do with the Civil War is this, the South was right. Not about slavery. Slavery is VERY wrong. But they are right about the issue of state rights. You see, the outward cause for the war may have been the issue of slavery but the real reason was that the Federal government started taxing the southern states without hearing their voice. Much like the way England did to us. During the "revolutionary" days, the colonials were patriotic englishmen. They did not want to start a war. They did not want to leave England. They just wanted equal say in government. That is all that the South wanted. When they did not get it, they esentially, "deradified" the Constitution.
What did radifing the Constitution do for the state? It gave them protection from outside nations. It also protected the states from each other. The Contitution was radified by selected represenatives from each state to agree to the contract. They had to agree to the stipulations contained within the Constitution. So the loyalty is to all of the other states. The parties of the contract were the people of each state. In a normal contract between two or more people, if the contract becomes void because someone has violated the terms, the contract is broken and restitution is to be made.
The process of a territory becoming a state now requires an Enabling Act. The Federal Congress votes on the Act and if is accepted, the territory becomes a state. So the territory first agrees to the Constituion and then the other states agree to allowing the territory to become part of the Union. In a contract, each party need to sign the contract to make it binding. But sometimes, a party can default or break the contract. If a party does not uphold their part of the contract, then the contract is void. Why does this not aply to te Constitution? It is a contract. If the Federal government violates the contract, should that then make the "contract" with the state void? Or atleast give them the option of backing out.
Our Federal government has taken many of our state rights and not just the current health care plan, but the appointment of senators by the state government, education, taxation, and many more that would take a while to expound apon.
I am not saying that the South should have seceded. I am not saying that they should not have fought for their rights. I simply beleive they had a right to leave the Union if the contact was broken. I wish the issue of slavery had not been so hyped up to over shadow the true issue of state rights. A solution was not reached. Yet now we live where our states and our people cant walk away from the contract with the rest of the states if the government violates it.
Do adn think what you will on my blog. Just know that I am a patriot and love my country just as the colonials did in their time. God Bless the US!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Scouting.....What is the purpose and are we putting our kids in danger?
I am a Cub Scout leader in my son's Pack. I have been a Cub Scout leader off and on for several years. My wife and I enjoy the idea of Scouting and love the outdoors. We are both involved in Scouting with Cubs and Girl Scouts. We have girls who would love to be in Cub Scouts rather than Girl Scouts.
Over the years we have thought about the two most prominent scouting groups in the world. How can we have the best of both for boys and girls in the same program? We have looked at various other programs (Earth Scouts, Adventure Scouts, Campfire USA, AWANAS). But the tradition Boy and Girl Scouts have won, at least until we either create a new program or someone else does that allows boys and girls to do scouting together yet retain the true essence of scouting.
In this 100th year for the Boy Scouts, I have done some research into the formation of scouting and specifically the BSA. Robert Baden-Powell started scouting as a result of an unexpected phenomenon. He wrote a book on surviving in the wild based on his experiences in Africa. It was intended for his follow military members. But upon his return to England after a trip to Africa, he found that the young boys of England had taken to his book. He got the idea to use the scout training in his book to teach the boys to be good citizens. He republished the book for young boys and began the scouting movement. His vision was to capture the imagination of the young boys and develop their since of adventure and exploration of the world around them.
A few years later, Boy Scouting had come to the US with the same ideas and purpose. And that purpose is what should be driving the BSA today. With the 100th year anniversary of the BSA, I truly hope that the original vision of scouting is remembered and embraced. Yet I have found a few disturbing issues.
First thing I see is that scouting, (Boys/Girls or both) seem to be for the rich to middle class. The lower class can not afford to get into scouting. I know we are doing it because we believe in it but our kids cannot do everything the pack/troop does. Which sort of hurts them in advancing. Scouting is for everyone. And it should be accessible for all. I am not suggesting that we have a government program to make scouting free for all! Scouting is not for everyone. And that is OK. Not everyone plays football. But to inadvertently exclude a group of people because they don't have or make as much money? It does not line up with Baden-Powell's vision.
Another issue that plagues the Boy Scouts is the issue of pedophiles. There is an unfortunate history of these people with in the ranks of scouting as well as other organization that work with youth. I mean even Facebook has them! Schools have problems. Churches do too. Hospitals, doctors, day cares, and even individual families. The world is full of sin and corruption. What makes scouting different? A mother just sent her adopted Russian son back to Russia with a note saying I cannot care for him anymore. That is abuse, neglect, and more. Yet we do not sue the airline that took him to Russia. We don't sue the state of Tennessee. We go after the mother!
Why do I mention this? Because another item in the news is a trail in Portland, OR concerning a man that was molested at the age of 9. He is now 37 (I am 38). So we are talking over 25 years ago. I DO NOT in ANY way shape of form approve of the man's action that did this to the 9 year old back in 1981. Nor do I condone anyone, male or female that violates a person's body regardless of age. However, the BSA and the local council are both being sued, 29 years later!
There are no statutes of limitations in these cases, however, the BSA has changed A LOT of things since then. Yet, I am sure that it still happens. We have affirmative action plans in place to prevent discrimination in the work place yet it still happens. Our own president created a hostile/sexual work environment in our nation's Oval office! Yet, we are in the new millennium now. And we are above these things! Or are we?
What has the BSA done to protect its youth? Since the early 80's when the above case occurred, BSA has adopted polices that protect youth and leaders. A leader, for example, must never be alone with a scout. there should always be some else there. On over night trips, no leader can sleep with a youth and no youth can sleep alone(without another scout). These are standard practices now. There are also guidelines to how a leader can and should use physical contact with scouts (and other leaders!{unless married to them ;^)}). There is also a background check done.
Another neat thing that is done now is part of what is known as the Bobcat Badge in Cub Scouting (not sure what it is called in Boy Scouts). One of the tasks that is required to get the Bobcat Badge is to go through, with a parent or guardian only, is a Youth Protection lesson. In this lesson, the parent/guardian discusses sexual safety with the young scout (age appropriate!). It gives examples of situations and what should be done. This, in my humble opinion, is an example of how the BSA is taking the responsibility to educate and protect the young boys as much as they can. Does abuse still occur? Yes. Just as having a car alarm does not prevent car theft! But it does reduce it greatly.
Please understand that I would never protect the BSA or any council if they were guilty of neglecting a child's safety (sexual or otherwise!) but neither would I reject the whole group because one guy or lady got through the cracks and did an unthinkable act. I am for the child. First and always.
In conclusion, if the purpose is to encourage and inspire young people using the art of scouting, then we, as parents and leaders should work to maintain that purpose in all we do in scouting and ALWAYS protect those whom we are working for-- the youth.
Over the years we have thought about the two most prominent scouting groups in the world. How can we have the best of both for boys and girls in the same program? We have looked at various other programs (Earth Scouts, Adventure Scouts, Campfire USA, AWANAS). But the tradition Boy and Girl Scouts have won, at least until we either create a new program or someone else does that allows boys and girls to do scouting together yet retain the true essence of scouting.
In this 100th year for the Boy Scouts, I have done some research into the formation of scouting and specifically the BSA. Robert Baden-Powell started scouting as a result of an unexpected phenomenon. He wrote a book on surviving in the wild based on his experiences in Africa. It was intended for his follow military members. But upon his return to England after a trip to Africa, he found that the young boys of England had taken to his book. He got the idea to use the scout training in his book to teach the boys to be good citizens. He republished the book for young boys and began the scouting movement. His vision was to capture the imagination of the young boys and develop their since of adventure and exploration of the world around them.
A few years later, Boy Scouting had come to the US with the same ideas and purpose. And that purpose is what should be driving the BSA today. With the 100th year anniversary of the BSA, I truly hope that the original vision of scouting is remembered and embraced. Yet I have found a few disturbing issues.
First thing I see is that scouting, (Boys/Girls or both) seem to be for the rich to middle class. The lower class can not afford to get into scouting. I know we are doing it because we believe in it but our kids cannot do everything the pack/troop does. Which sort of hurts them in advancing. Scouting is for everyone. And it should be accessible for all. I am not suggesting that we have a government program to make scouting free for all! Scouting is not for everyone. And that is OK. Not everyone plays football. But to inadvertently exclude a group of people because they don't have or make as much money? It does not line up with Baden-Powell's vision.
Another issue that plagues the Boy Scouts is the issue of pedophiles. There is an unfortunate history of these people with in the ranks of scouting as well as other organization that work with youth. I mean even Facebook has them! Schools have problems. Churches do too. Hospitals, doctors, day cares, and even individual families. The world is full of sin and corruption. What makes scouting different? A mother just sent her adopted Russian son back to Russia with a note saying I cannot care for him anymore. That is abuse, neglect, and more. Yet we do not sue the airline that took him to Russia. We don't sue the state of Tennessee. We go after the mother!
Why do I mention this? Because another item in the news is a trail in Portland, OR concerning a man that was molested at the age of 9. He is now 37 (I am 38). So we are talking over 25 years ago. I DO NOT in ANY way shape of form approve of the man's action that did this to the 9 year old back in 1981. Nor do I condone anyone, male or female that violates a person's body regardless of age. However, the BSA and the local council are both being sued, 29 years later!
There are no statutes of limitations in these cases, however, the BSA has changed A LOT of things since then. Yet, I am sure that it still happens. We have affirmative action plans in place to prevent discrimination in the work place yet it still happens. Our own president created a hostile/sexual work environment in our nation's Oval office! Yet, we are in the new millennium now. And we are above these things! Or are we?
What has the BSA done to protect its youth? Since the early 80's when the above case occurred, BSA has adopted polices that protect youth and leaders. A leader, for example, must never be alone with a scout. there should always be some else there. On over night trips, no leader can sleep with a youth and no youth can sleep alone(without another scout). These are standard practices now. There are also guidelines to how a leader can and should use physical contact with scouts (and other leaders!{unless married to them ;^)}). There is also a background check done.
Another neat thing that is done now is part of what is known as the Bobcat Badge in Cub Scouting (not sure what it is called in Boy Scouts). One of the tasks that is required to get the Bobcat Badge is to go through, with a parent or guardian only, is a Youth Protection lesson. In this lesson, the parent/guardian discusses sexual safety with the young scout (age appropriate!). It gives examples of situations and what should be done. This, in my humble opinion, is an example of how the BSA is taking the responsibility to educate and protect the young boys as much as they can. Does abuse still occur? Yes. Just as having a car alarm does not prevent car theft! But it does reduce it greatly.
Please understand that I would never protect the BSA or any council if they were guilty of neglecting a child's safety (sexual or otherwise!) but neither would I reject the whole group because one guy or lady got through the cracks and did an unthinkable act. I am for the child. First and always.
In conclusion, if the purpose is to encourage and inspire young people using the art of scouting, then we, as parents and leaders should work to maintain that purpose in all we do in scouting and ALWAYS protect those whom we are working for-- the youth.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Can I have a witness?
This past Sunday was Resurection day. Easter for the folks who don't think like me (probably a good thing not to!) My Pastor had asked folks to come up and share testimonies if they felt led to do. I thought about my testimony but did not go forward. I did not feel the need to do so. But I did sit and ponder where I have been.
If I did not go up, why do I mention it? Well, it is because I was supposed just ponder it. Also I wanted to share my testimony of Jesus with any of you who reads this post. Pastor spoke about several atheists and their anger towards God and Christians. He spoke about the "over thinking" (my take on it not his) of the truth. He alluted to scholars and thinkers have a harder time knwing God relationally than the artistic people. I think there is much truth to that. But it is not impossible. Read on.....
I was about 14 when I started learning about various different religions. I was a smart kid. Had made Honor Roll many times already and was even part of the National Junior Honor Society. I don't mention this to boast but to give you the picture of a smart, nerdy kind of kid. There is an undeniable fact, each faith group beleives something different and each opposes the others. At 14, I was astute enough to conclude that all religions can be right because they all seemed to contridict each other. So what did a logically thinker do? Came to the only solution there was, The was no God!
At age 14, I became an atheist. This was in 1985. I was determined to make it on my own. I did not need this "god" or whatever. Religion was merely a set of beleived truths for those who were not mentally or emotionaly stronge enough to handle life on their own. God was for the weak. I was strong. I was smart. I would make it.... on my own!
I have always been an easy going person. Not mean spirited at all. But there was something about Christians that made me mad. I heard one day that the Christians had discovered evidence that some guy named Jesus was hung on a tree and came back to life. The audasity! How could they come back thousands of years later and say that some guy dies in a tree and that proves they are right? How dare they! Man, I was mad! I cussed the church out so much, i would still be eating soap!
I developed bad habits. I had a set of morals for myself and I started out really good. But I began breaking the rules so to speak. When this happened, I merely changed the rules. But the truth was, I was not perfect. i continued to break morals, change them, break them, change them. Mean while, I was hurting people. I cheated, I lied, I was selfish. I was becomeing everything I was trying not to be. I began to truely hate myself.
Don't worry, I did commit suicide. I never even thought it. In fact, suicide was another option only for the weak. And I was strong, remember. I did, however, have an ah ha! moment (or an uh ho!). I got to a point where my logic proved illogical. I reviewed my options. I hated who I had become and for a split second, just a second, I thought of suicide as a means of escape. It scared me. I tried to change. I reset all my rules. I started fresh. But within a month, I was doing the same thing! This time, I did not have many options. I did my best to justify myself. But inside, I knew that I was hurting. I needed true freedom from what I was doing to myself. I logically concluded that I was a failure.
Yes, I was a failure. I had twice failed to sucede. I had no hope. I just began to live as best I could. Finding enjoyment in the little things because my passion had died. But that is where God showed up.
There was a man that I was assigned to work a shift with. It was a night shift so there was a lot of down time. We talked. This guy had a screwed up life too. Maybe he would understand. I never really told him how much of a failure I was. Had to keep that a secret. But I did feel better knowing I was not completely alone. Problem with this guy was that he was a Christian. Oh the debating began! I argued my point, he argued his (while I constantly interupted). Neither convinced the other. But we were still friends.
Still friends? I had to wrap my logical brian around that one. I though religion was for weak people! He was certianly not weak. Yet he put his faith in God. A God I despised (probably because it shone a light on my failure). It was not the man that changed me. It was not the man I sought after for anwers. It was his God. I sought after this God that gave my friend hope.
I began to pray and truely seek Him. There was a hope that I desired. A hope for freedom. A hope for forgiviness. I learned that this God loved me. He also wanted to know me and let me know Him just as this man had done. This guy accepted me, faults and all. His God promised the same.
So I gave my life, fully to Him, God. I trusted in Him. I believed what He said enough to try Him. To test Him. If He was real and I could receive the love and hope He promised, it was well worth the chance. On September 12, 1993, I gave Him my life.
Ever since then I have been growing, struggling and wrestling with Him, but He has forgiven me. I always come before He a winner. I was succeeding, not on my own but because of Him. Because He made me.
You know, it is funny. My wife had long believed that atheist were too far gone to save. They would never believe in God. I am sure that for some that is true. But I know that they can. but it is ONLY through the grace of God. For any atheist out there, there is hope when you are ready for it. He will be waiting.
If I did not go up, why do I mention it? Well, it is because I was supposed just ponder it. Also I wanted to share my testimony of Jesus with any of you who reads this post. Pastor spoke about several atheists and their anger towards God and Christians. He spoke about the "over thinking" (my take on it not his) of the truth. He alluted to scholars and thinkers have a harder time knwing God relationally than the artistic people. I think there is much truth to that. But it is not impossible. Read on.....
I was about 14 when I started learning about various different religions. I was a smart kid. Had made Honor Roll many times already and was even part of the National Junior Honor Society. I don't mention this to boast but to give you the picture of a smart, nerdy kind of kid. There is an undeniable fact, each faith group beleives something different and each opposes the others. At 14, I was astute enough to conclude that all religions can be right because they all seemed to contridict each other. So what did a logically thinker do? Came to the only solution there was, The was no God!
At age 14, I became an atheist. This was in 1985. I was determined to make it on my own. I did not need this "god" or whatever. Religion was merely a set of beleived truths for those who were not mentally or emotionaly stronge enough to handle life on their own. God was for the weak. I was strong. I was smart. I would make it.... on my own!
I have always been an easy going person. Not mean spirited at all. But there was something about Christians that made me mad. I heard one day that the Christians had discovered evidence that some guy named Jesus was hung on a tree and came back to life. The audasity! How could they come back thousands of years later and say that some guy dies in a tree and that proves they are right? How dare they! Man, I was mad! I cussed the church out so much, i would still be eating soap!
I developed bad habits. I had a set of morals for myself and I started out really good. But I began breaking the rules so to speak. When this happened, I merely changed the rules. But the truth was, I was not perfect. i continued to break morals, change them, break them, change them. Mean while, I was hurting people. I cheated, I lied, I was selfish. I was becomeing everything I was trying not to be. I began to truely hate myself.
Don't worry, I did commit suicide. I never even thought it. In fact, suicide was another option only for the weak. And I was strong, remember. I did, however, have an ah ha! moment (or an uh ho!). I got to a point where my logic proved illogical. I reviewed my options. I hated who I had become and for a split second, just a second, I thought of suicide as a means of escape. It scared me. I tried to change. I reset all my rules. I started fresh. But within a month, I was doing the same thing! This time, I did not have many options. I did my best to justify myself. But inside, I knew that I was hurting. I needed true freedom from what I was doing to myself. I logically concluded that I was a failure.
Yes, I was a failure. I had twice failed to sucede. I had no hope. I just began to live as best I could. Finding enjoyment in the little things because my passion had died. But that is where God showed up.
There was a man that I was assigned to work a shift with. It was a night shift so there was a lot of down time. We talked. This guy had a screwed up life too. Maybe he would understand. I never really told him how much of a failure I was. Had to keep that a secret. But I did feel better knowing I was not completely alone. Problem with this guy was that he was a Christian. Oh the debating began! I argued my point, he argued his (while I constantly interupted). Neither convinced the other. But we were still friends.
Still friends? I had to wrap my logical brian around that one. I though religion was for weak people! He was certianly not weak. Yet he put his faith in God. A God I despised (probably because it shone a light on my failure). It was not the man that changed me. It was not the man I sought after for anwers. It was his God. I sought after this God that gave my friend hope.
I began to pray and truely seek Him. There was a hope that I desired. A hope for freedom. A hope for forgiviness. I learned that this God loved me. He also wanted to know me and let me know Him just as this man had done. This guy accepted me, faults and all. His God promised the same.
So I gave my life, fully to Him, God. I trusted in Him. I believed what He said enough to try Him. To test Him. If He was real and I could receive the love and hope He promised, it was well worth the chance. On September 12, 1993, I gave Him my life.
Ever since then I have been growing, struggling and wrestling with Him, but He has forgiven me. I always come before He a winner. I was succeeding, not on my own but because of Him. Because He made me.
You know, it is funny. My wife had long believed that atheist were too far gone to save. They would never believe in God. I am sure that for some that is true. But I know that they can. but it is ONLY through the grace of God. For any atheist out there, there is hope when you are ready for it. He will be waiting.
Friday, March 26, 2010
When I began to search for a career, I thought of continuing in electronics as I did that in the military. But it did not fulfill me. It did not give me passion. It was a ”job” and that was it. When I applied for a job in sales, the manager asked me what my biggest weakness was. My answer was that I was shy and not a “people person.” A week after starting the job, she came up to me and said, “I don’t know why you say you are not a ‘people person.’ You are wonderful with the customers. I just don’t see it.” I realized that what she said was true and wondered why. It was the serving the customer that drove me. It made me come alive. I have had a few other sales jobs and could not bring myself to work in the commission based jobs because it was selling to the customer and not for the customer. I want to meet the needs of people.
What seizes my imagination is the smile and twinkle in a person’s eyes. I have always been driven by the joy and happiness of others. This goal of bringing these things to those around me has shaped the very person I am. I get up and start my day wanting to make at least one person happy. I have been the most alive when I can serve someone.
This shapes the way I work. I work in healthcare as a nursing assistant. I am constantly striving to give high quality care but also to treat the patients with respect and dignity. I do all that I can to ease their sorrow and to make their difficult times a bit better. To hold a hand of a man who is dying; or comfort a loved one; or just spend time talking about their family. Those are the things that I live for.
It also shapes my family. My time off is spent with my wife and three kids spending time with them. One of the things I like to do is cook. I love cooking for the family because it makes them feel good. They enjoy it. I help teach the kids and we laugh and play. I may miss out on doing adult things but my family is special and we are happy. I love waking up to them everyday.
Every where I go, I try to bring a smile and blessing. I will tell jokes, stories or simple encouragement. Even the cashier at the store gets a pleasant smile and greeting. But what really gets me going strong is when I can use the unique knowledge and skills that I have to serve others. It is the most rewarding thing to help someone.
With this drive, I have become involved in many community activities such as Cub Scouts, children’s programs at my local church, serving dinner at church, teaching CPR, and many others. This is also why I work at the VA hospital. I want to serve those that have served.
My life passion of serving others has manifested itself in my career in healthcare. This is the reason I am pursuing nursing. It is where my skills lay and at it’s very core it serves others, especially when they need it most. To sum up my life’s passion in a purpose statement, I need to borrow from the US Air Force, “Integrity first, Service before self, and excellence in all we do.” This is the key to my life, the reason for my being.
What seizes my imagination is the smile and twinkle in a person’s eyes. I have always been driven by the joy and happiness of others. This goal of bringing these things to those around me has shaped the very person I am. I get up and start my day wanting to make at least one person happy. I have been the most alive when I can serve someone.
This shapes the way I work. I work in healthcare as a nursing assistant. I am constantly striving to give high quality care but also to treat the patients with respect and dignity. I do all that I can to ease their sorrow and to make their difficult times a bit better. To hold a hand of a man who is dying; or comfort a loved one; or just spend time talking about their family. Those are the things that I live for.
It also shapes my family. My time off is spent with my wife and three kids spending time with them. One of the things I like to do is cook. I love cooking for the family because it makes them feel good. They enjoy it. I help teach the kids and we laugh and play. I may miss out on doing adult things but my family is special and we are happy. I love waking up to them everyday.
Every where I go, I try to bring a smile and blessing. I will tell jokes, stories or simple encouragement. Even the cashier at the store gets a pleasant smile and greeting. But what really gets me going strong is when I can use the unique knowledge and skills that I have to serve others. It is the most rewarding thing to help someone.
With this drive, I have become involved in many community activities such as Cub Scouts, children’s programs at my local church, serving dinner at church, teaching CPR, and many others. This is also why I work at the VA hospital. I want to serve those that have served.
My life passion of serving others has manifested itself in my career in healthcare. This is the reason I am pursuing nursing. It is where my skills lay and at it’s very core it serves others, especially when they need it most. To sum up my life’s passion in a purpose statement, I need to borrow from the US Air Force, “Integrity first, Service before self, and excellence in all we do.” This is the key to my life, the reason for my being.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
For the Love of Family
Someone recently expressed that they were dealing with the question of following a call into vocational ministry and doing it as a single person. The same idea that Paul mentions when he says that he wished all could be as he was and not marry. But here is the deal, God has ordained marriage. He has also called some to be single. Both are very good in the eyes of God. I know that I have the love of family that wells up inside of me. I knew this since I was a teen. Yet it took me until I was 28 to have a family!
I don't know how to look at anyone else and say, "you are to remain single before God." Or, "You should marry, because God wants us all to be married." I can NOT speak to what God is doing in the hearts of someone else. What I do know is that above all else I had a desire for a family.
Once while in my early teens, we took in a young lady who's mother kicked her out. We gave her a place to stay. She had a son named Timmy. I used to play with Timmy as much as I could. I remember wanting a child of my own. Even at 13/14 I wanted to be a father. I was never good with the ladies. Too much fear immobilized me. So I pondered the possibility of having a kid without a wife (not that I could get married, I was too young). As I grew up, I learned much about myself and much about life. By the time I was 23, I had done many things that were far from love. I lied and cheated just to please myself. The year I turned 23, I came incountered with the Love of God. A Love I had never known before. He changed my life and perspective. As I grew closer to Him and learned more about His Love, I began to feel the Love well up inside of me. I desired a wife. I desired a family. Not for myself. But to share the Love I now had inside.
God did bring me a wife and family. All despite my own impatience. I married in 1998 and had my first child in 1999. Ever since then, When it was time to add to our family, my wife and I would feel the need to give the overflowing Love we had inside us. Now it is 2010 and we have three children. We have that feeling again.
But here is the main issue, when looking at the world around us, how do we choose between job, career, family, hobbies, etc. I want to be a nurse. I want it for many reasons but one is to give to people in need. To heal. Yet going to school takes away from family. I love my family. They are the ones God has called me to minister first. So if I need to wait to go to school, I will wait. If I need to put some things in my life on hold, I will. All for the Love of my family.
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