Standing tall

     For my last post, I was feeling very depressed and ashamed of myself.  I still feel that way deep in side.  I know that God and I are addressing the issues and I can stand tall knowing that He is with me.  In me shame and discust, He has not judged me.  He has not rejected me.  I have a long way to go on my Journey with Him before He calls me home.  But He is God and He will be with me.  For anyone who read the previous post, know that I am ok.  I have these bouts at times.

    Though I am not strong like Him, He is holding me up.  I may be desiesed on the inside, but He is healing me.  I love you, Lord!

Who told you that you are naked?

Tonight as I prayed and when to my private place with God, I had a vision. I first stood on the beach with arms stretched out to the side in a stance of praise before Him. I then stood tall with chest out as Superman. I was proud and might as the oak He said I am. Then, I could not hold my belly in any longer. I let it out and it stuck out further than my chest. I could not suck it in. I then saw myself in the "inner room" where I can talk alone with God. A place for just Him and me. And there I stood, trying even harder to suck in my belly. To cover myself. My clothes could not cover me. My belly was too big. I fell in a ball on the floor desperate to hide my fully naked body. My belly big and round and ugly. My body, a hideous mess. And He stood before me as I lay curled up crying. I picture my self cutting my belly out like I would an apple. Just get rid of it. Get rid of my ugliness, my doubt and shame.

He says to me, "Who told you that you were naked?"

Who told me? Is it not obvious? I thought, "You bastard, this is your fault! I have served faithfully. I have given so much. I have been patient. I have "played" the game. Yet I have no blessing. I still struggle. I am still fat and ugly. I still sin.I am still not worthy of you and I have loved you so much!" I yell this through my sobs and cries. I mean it but don't. I am ashamed to feel it and say it but know it is truly how I feel.

Naked.

He lifts me up and tells me to see myself as He does. That is all well and good but I live among people. I want to be liked. I want to be a good person in their eyes. I want to be like the worship people. Admired and revered. Oh I have heard the "they put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else." Bologna! If they did, they have to deal with the same shit I have to deal with.

All of this praise God for this or for that. "oh, I am thankful He did this for me." "I did something bad to a friend and God helped us restore the friendship" It all feels fake when compared to the raging storm with in me. "give more to God, Give Him your time, Give Him your self. I have! I gave it, freely and without reservations. But still I am laying on the floor before Him naked and ashamed. Crying like a baby. Here is your mighty oak, Lord! Here is your broken servant.

I can do no more. I want to fly. I want to live. I want to BE the oak tree. I want to BE the hero. Not just pretend to be. But I don't know how. I don't know how. So I lay here before God naked and ashamed.

I hear again through my sobs, "Who told you that you are naked?"

The North and South and state's rights

I asked myself a question the other day. "What if the South had won?" That got me to really thinking about a few things. For the past few years I have heard several thoughts on the issue of state vs federal and big vs small government. I have asked myself, "Who has the true power?" We are supposed to be a united country: The United States of America. Yet I ask you, who or what unites us? The very documents that established this country say, "We, the People..." So the union is kept together by the people. We are governed by the people for the sake of the people. Not the government governs for the sake of the govenrment.

What this has to do with the Civil War is this, the South was right. Not about slavery. Slavery is VERY wrong. But they are right about the issue of state rights. You see, the outward cause for the war may have been the issue of slavery but the real reason was that the Federal government started taxing the southern states without hearing their voice. Much like the way England did to us. During the "revolutionary" days, the colonials were patriotic englishmen. They did not want to start a war. They did not want to leave England. They just wanted equal say in government. That is all that the South wanted. When they did not get it, they esentially, "deradified" the Constitution.

What did radifing the Constitution do for the state? It gave them protection from outside nations. It also protected the states from each other. The Contitution was radified by selected represenatives from each state to agree to the contract. They had to agree to the stipulations contained within the Constitution. So the loyalty is to all of the other states. The parties of the contract were the people of each state. In a normal contract between two or more people, if the contract becomes void because someone has violated the terms, the contract is broken and restitution is to be made.

The process of a territory becoming a state now requires an Enabling Act. The Federal Congress votes on the Act and if is accepted, the territory becomes a state. So the territory first agrees to the Constituion and then the other states agree to allowing the territory to become part of the Union. In a contract, each party need to sign the contract to make it binding. But sometimes, a party can default or break the contract. If a party does not uphold their part of the contract, then the contract is void. Why does this not aply to te Constitution? It is a contract. If the Federal government violates the contract, should that then make the "contract" with the state void? Or atleast give them the option of backing out.

Our Federal government has taken many of our state rights and not just the current health care plan, but the appointment of senators by the state government, education, taxation, and many more that would take a while to expound apon.

I am not saying that the South should have seceded. I am not saying that they should not have fought for their rights. I simply beleive they had a right to leave the Union if the contact was broken. I wish the issue of slavery had not been so hyped up to over shadow the true issue of state rights. A solution was not reached. Yet now we live where our states and our people cant walk away from the contract with the rest of the states if the government violates it.

Do adn think what you will on my blog. Just know that I am a patriot and love my country just as the colonials did in their time. God Bless the US!